I shaved my head the other night.
I have been interested in doing this for several years before but have always been too scared to do so - what if I don’t look good, etc?
But then last week when I went see my ENT for what was supposed to be a standard five-minute appointment to see when I can get my tonsils out. Instead of that it ended up being much longer than that and I was told he thinks that I have lymphoma.
So I was sitting here one night, stressed and upset about it, and I decided that I was going to shave my head now. If I have cancer, I refuse to allow myself to lose my hair through cancer first. I may need chemo, I may have cancer. I can make my peace with that, if need be, but I needed to take this for me and not allow fear and cancer to take that from me.
Smug because no matter what happens, I won this battle, at least.
Just wanted to let you know that I’m going to be leaving this blog for a while (though my NSFW one is still going, message if you want the link/other ways of contacting me).
This is because:
I’m back in school now which is stressful and I haven’t been doing a good job of taking care of myself later, for a variety of reasons. Super busy with school/work/volunteering/life.
But the main reason (and the main reason I haven’t posted much lately) is that stupid anon messaging me about my ex’s well-being. It is causing me to feel a lot of anxiety, which I don’t want to attempt to handle right now. Each time they message me they’re saying more and more “I’m blaming you for what’s wrong in his life” type things, which isn’t fair. We aren’t in each other’s lives, leave me alone, please.
And because I have no idea who this person is and why they’re coming after me about this, I don’t really want them reading things I post.
I know, simple solution would be to turn off anon questions. That way they couldn’t keep messaging me. But they’re still lurking me and it’s making me uncomfortable so I’m leaving here for a while.
Damnit. Guys, I’m not good at this!
Tchy was right - that last post where I said my new tumblr? Meant to hit “reply privately”. POINT OF NEW TUMBLR IS SO THAT THE URL ISN’T ACCESSIBLE TO EVERYONE HERE, ONLY THOSE WHO HAVE REQUESTED IT.
Also, I love how long it took me to notice I did that (Even with Tchy pointing it out…) *headdesk* Oh well. Too late now.
After thinking a bit more and realizing who has the link to this site, I’ve decided to make a separate tumblr for my dirty photos/etc. Ask if you want it ;)
Dear Annon who keeps messaging me about my ex-boyfriend’s well-being:
Please stop it. Seriously. I understand that you’re concerned about him, but I have a couple problems with what you’re doing;
a) I don’t know who you are
b) I don’t know how you got my URL
c) We aren’t in each other’s lives anymore.
d) Yes, I still care about him. Of course I do. But he doesn’t want me in his life anymore and furthermore, I don’t blame him. We had a crappy ending, and a lot of that was my fault. Yes, I wish we were on better terms now. But I have reached out to him a few times after we broke up, and he has made it clear that I’m the only one who wants to patch things up.
I don’t know who you are. I don’t know how you know either of us, but you really need to stop this. I hate receiving messages saying that you don’t think he’s doing well and that I have a responsibility to try and help. I don’t. I want to, but John doesn’t want me in his life. I’m respecting his wishes.
I want him to be happy, and I REALLY don’t think that me sending him messages and imposing my presence on him will help at all.
I know that you’re trying to help him. I get it, really, I do. But receiving these messages again and again makes me feel like absolute shit. I want him to be okay, but it isn’t my responsibility to make sure he is. He doesn’t want me to. If you care for him enough to send his ex boyfriend messages again and again about him not doing well, reach out to him yourself. You’re apparently in his life, I haven’t been for the majority of a year.
Seriously. Cut it out. It’s inappropriate and I don’t want to keep reading it from someone who doesn’t even have the courtesy to tell me who they are. If John wants me to help him, I would be glad to do so. But it (presumably…?) isn’t him, so stop. Please.
Why my past couple days have been awesome:
Thanks! Send me an ask that isn’t annon and maybe ;)
But to be fair, me being single doesn’t change things. I’m in an open relationship, therefore I can fuck anyone I want!
Anything goes, guys. Questions, picture requests, whatever you feel like!
Time to make my tumblr more sex and less long text posts/reblogging again.
Have decided that it’s also time to include more personal stuff. Sooo if you don’t want dirty Jase photos/stories/etc (and other people) popping up on your dash, I’d suggest you unfollow ;)
I keep wanting to go on you at work.
And then I remember that my dash is full of some very NSFW things, and while awesome, my employers probably wouldn’t like it. It’s like playing Russian Roulette. With naked pictures instead of bullets.
being a survivor of abuse means more than just getting up in the morning and going about your daily routines. it’s about still being able to feel like you’re living when you should feel dead. or getting up and feeling good about it. yeah, some days are hard as fuck. but we’re thriving. we’re creating our own lives through strength and weakness. we don’t give a fuck if you believe us or not. if you think we’re crazy.
we are surviving because we are thriving.